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Traffic Management Excellence Awards - Part I

2011-11-04T06:28:00.000Z

A new undertaking by me where I congratulate road development and management authorities in India and primarily in Mumbai for their excellent work. By doing this I aim to bring forth the achievement to the entire world to learn and adopt. It's only fair that hard work and effort be rewarded and shown to the entire world.

The first set of awards goes to 'Whoever Manages the Flyovers of Mumbai' for 'Superior Attempts at Traffic Decongestion'. You sir are my mentor and the individual I would look up to all my life. Your excellent skill sets and admirable insight is mind-numbing which I doubt the greatest of minds of the world put together would fail to accomplish. In case you are still wondering why these prestigious compliments are being showerd upon you, please allow me to explain myself in the following illustration.

Above is an overhead illustration of what Mumbai's Western Express Highway looked like somewhere around 1995. The highway was dotted with traffic junctions which allowed people to turn into the city which subsequently cause major traffic havocs. In order to get over this, you sir, an officer at the MMRDA (Mumbai Metropolitan Regional Authority) deviced a ground breaking plan where every junction would have a flyover running above it in order to avoid the traffic snarls. Yes indeed, this idea was fabulous and did indeed bring a lot of respite to daily commuters. Please refer following illustration

So now you hop, skip and jump over every junction and do not climb the flyover for any exit into the city. This worked fine and smooth for roughly about 10 years. As you must be aware, India is now the second largest and fastest growing economy of the world. It is an achievement to be proud of but there is also a flipside to this. Due to this tremendous growth, people's paycheck increases and when that happens they buy more things like televisions, laptops, houses and CARS. With more cars adding onto the road each and every day, your ingenious solution showed its true prowess. This achievement is so great that I have no words for it (literally) and hence I will showcase you another piece of my fine artistary.

Allow me to explain the depth of the above caricature. With so many flyovers being built almost above every intersection soon made the highway like a never ending camels hump back where the moment you get off one flyover, another one begins. Traffic wishing to join the highway (yellow line) had to cut sharply to the right in order to get on to the flyover. Traffic wishing to get off the highway (red line) had to cut sharply to the left in order to avoid getting on the next flyover. With no system in place to ensure smooth exit and entry onto the highway, traffic incoherently swivled in the direction of choice with frequent disasters occuring. These disasters would have a catastrophic chain of events on the traffic lining up behind them which soon led to serpentine and slow moving ques across the length and breadth of the highway.

Master, I bow down to your remarkable insight and ground-breaking achievement that you so devised and hailed upon us. My utmost respect and admiration goes out to you. Once again, I have no words, only MS Paint.

A traffic signal! Ingenious I tell you! A puzzle that would baffle Einstein and you gave us the most obvious solution, install a traffic signal right at the foot of the flyover. But wait a minute, wasn't the flyover created to avoid a traffic signal?

So if you would install a traffic signal at the foot of every flyover, wont it be 1995 all over again?

And then will you, in all your intelligence, create another flyover to fly over the current flyover?

Mumbai, Year: 2020

Dont believe me? Take a look for yourself! (Bandra juntion, October, 2011.)

(Image coming soon)

DNA article: http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_new-signal-adds-to-bandra-traffic-woes_1323416

Will remember Nottingham for...

2011-09-16T15:36:00.000+01:00

...being the first and last time I have lived away from parents for a considerably long amount of time

...poker nights!

...cheap alcohol

...even cheaper clubbing

...xbox nights

...hot-boxing

...casino winnings

...false link-ups

...Scotland trip

...Christmas dinner

...White Horse Cafe

...The 20,000km road trip!

...Failed Europe plans

...crazy sleep schedule

...lectures only once a week

...bunking those lectures

...experimental cooking

...the fulfillment when experimental cooking turns out to be fabulous

...daytime drinking at Blue Bell Inn

...Skydiving!!!

...The regret that I should have done more of it

...Rosh's 30 hours of non-stop birthday celebration drinking

...NG1

...Antidaephobia

...Nikki's birthday treasure hunt

...Beer pong party

...Last-minute assignments

...Flat1, Room E, Byron Place, Wragby Road, Raleigh Park, Nottingham, NG7 2AZ

...15 bottles of Single Malt Scotch

...Crazy Max and his even crazier presentation style

...Last but not the least, all my friends in Notts that helped me, supported me, were there for me in good times and bad and without them life would have been a big big drag. This one is for you guys! Cheers Nikki, Other Nikki, Anshul, Rosh, Meeru, Rahul, Vandit, Varun, Matt, Andy, Guillaume and the rest of the gang!

Music Player on Shuffle

2010-05-18T07:38:00.001+01:00

THE FOLLOWING TEXT IS THE CONSEQUENCE OF COMPLETE BOREDOM AND NOBODY IS TO BE HELD LIABLE FOR MY DEEDS.

TO TAKE THIS SURVEY, SIMPLY PUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYER ON SHUFFLE -
- AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WITH THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT COMES ON -
[it's better if you don't cheat and don't skip any songs.]

1.What is your name? Or what should your name be?
Iron Maiden - Iron Maiden
(WOW)

2.How is your life going?
Iron Maiden - Wrathchild
(HAHA)

3.What is your nickname?
Iron Maiden - Twilight Zone

4.What is your theme song?
Sepultura - Propoganda

5.What is your best friend's theme song?
Creed - Higher

6.How is your life going to turn out?
Sepultura - Nomad
(LOL)

7.Will you get married?
Marilyn Manson - Lunchbox

8.Will you have kids?
Slayer - Stain of Mind

9.What will your job be?
Air Supply - Even the nights are better
(Does that mean its a call centre night shift?)

10.Did you/will you finish school?
Michael Jackson - They dont really care about us
(:D)

11.Who is your best friend?
Nirvana - Polly
(LOL)

12.Who is or will be your significant other?
Slipknot - All hope is gone
(LMAO!!)

13.Who do you like?
Iron Maiden - Transylvania
(Rather which place you like)

14.How will you die?
Slipknot - Wait and Bleed
(HAHAHAHA)

15.How do you feel right now?
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
(OMG!!)

16.What is your favorite song?
The Posies - Love Comes

17.How could you describe your parents?
XZIBIT - LAX

18. How would you describe your best friends?
Iron Maiden - Alexander the Great
(Really?)

19. How would you describe your teachers?
Iron Maiden - Wildest Dreams
(Whoa!)

20. How would you describe your significant other (or crush)?
Nirvana - Dive

21. How would you describe yourself?
Rob Zombie - The Man Who Laughs
(Oh Yeah!!!)

22. What is your best feature?
Metallica - Sad but True

23. What will you be / should you be, profession-wise?
Metro Station - Goodnight and Goodbye
(the band name is suggestive)

24. How could you describe this survey?
Blue October - Breakfast after 10

25. What makes you angry?
Metallica - Blitzkrieg

26. What makes you sad?
Air Supply - Making love out of nothing at all
(not sure if that makes me sad !!)

27. What makes you happy?
Iron Maiden - The Clairvoyant
(google it for the meaning)

28. What makes you dance?
Iron Maiden - Wasted Years
(yep it does!)

29. What is your favorite color?
Pink Floyd - Money
(Green money or pink floyd?? :D :D)

30. How would you describe yourself?
Air Supply - Only one forever

31. Who is your worst enemy?
Iron Maiden - Seventh son of the seventh son
(think i should have a look at my family tree)

32. Who do you hate?
Eminem - I'm Back
(LOL at times yes!)

33. Who do you love?
Marilyn Manson - Organ Grinder
(now that is sadistic)

34. Who do you lust after?
Pantera - Suicide Note Part II
(OMG)

35.Finish the Sentece :
I wish- Opeth - Isolation Years (do i really?)
I want to- Weird AlYankovich - Which Backstreet Boy is Gay? (NO NO NO NO NO)
I want to kill- Iron Maiden - Heaven Can wait (Yeah i guess someone else is on the list before it)
I want to eat- Linkin Park - In the darkness
My head- Rammstein - Stirb nicht vor mir (meaning: dont die before i do)
I am- Blue October - Quiet Mind Love
My best feature is - Metallica - Master of Puppets (Maybe!)
My eyes are- Iron Maiden - Running Free (HAHAHAHA)
My hair is- Metallica - The Unnamed Feeling
My face is- Third Eye Blind - New Gir
You should- Rammstein - Keine Lust (meaning no desire... hahah yeah i should stop having those)

36.Random
Words of advice - Pink floyd - comfortably numb
How do others see me? - Elvis Presley - A little less conversation (yes!!!)
How do I see myself? - Metalica - Creeping Death (Am i that old!!!)

The MBA Test experience

2010-03-04T05:28:00.001Z

I have been desperately trying to get myself admitted to a nice MBA college for quite some time, but lady luck has positively decided to make it a hard time for me. The story:

Sometime in Sep, 2007: I had joined CPLC, the CAT training institute, the same place where I had taken training for my BMS CCEE. We (Gaurav, Jai, Sukhi, Sakshi, Amrita... and a few more) figured that due to our past affiliation with Parag Sir, he can give us a nice neat package.

May, 2008: It was all fun and games for the beginning few months and six months into it, we actually wondered what made us pay a small fortune for voluntary torture. One by one, the bowling pins fell and my friends started giving up. Determined to pursue my MBA career I went ahead despite statements like 'Apun ko kidhar milega IIM mein admission.... chod na!' Such statements apart from pulling me away, motivated me even more to stick with CAT.

Sep, 2008: Two months to the horrific day and the Mumbai University with some bribe from Lady Luck decides to plonk the 5th Semester exams right during the time when CAT is taking place. Furious student protests push the date forward after CAT, bringing little respite. After a lot of discussions I decide to finally give CAT a hold and focus on university exams, something which wont come twice unlike the CAT.

Dec, 2008: Unlike my expectations, my University exam results were not as good and my CAT was not as bad. Probably if I had paid more attention to my english section I might be typing this in the dormitory of a prestigious institute, if not an IIM.

May, 2009: Failing to get through any other Indian exam, I decide to give the entrance tests one more shot. I tried taking up part-time jobs with various uncles and relatives but found my concentration wandering away. I finally decided to quit work altogether and focus only on the ferocious exam.

Aug, 2009: The IIM's announce the exam is going online which creates huge ripples with questions pertaining to its stability. Students worry but somehow I am pleased with my computer skills and ability to sit in front of it for endless hours and feel that i have the upper hand.

Nov, 2009: The fateful day arrives and amidst computer problems reported nation-wide, my exams goes quite smooth. With 6 IITians on either side making a joke of the exam, it wasn't particularly comfortable. I realise that CAT has become a game luck and with its CEO not willing to support me, I started looking elsewhere. Hard preparations for all other Indian exams yielded no results, with either the cut offs shooting up or my missing out on in marginally.

Feb, 2010: After giving up all hopes in India, I looked towards my last respite, the GMAT. The exam seemed much more simple than any other previous exam I had taken, but its final outcome of a 620 is not all that bad, not too great either.

March, 2010: Ive finally started working (Social Wavelength) in a job that seems tailor-made for me. I'm still in search of some place that can take me in with my 620 and a years work-experience, but the hunt is still on.

2 years and 5 months is a long time to sacrifice behind one thing, but I did and apart from feeling disappointed with its outcome, I am proud of actually achieving the feat rather than giving up half way. I actually contemplated a life in the army, motivated by my dear friend Anukul, but their extension of the Short Service Commission time period has made me lose interest in it. Cheers to life!

Update on 5th May, 2010:

March, 2010: With a GMAT score that made a whole lot of people burn with envy, I proudly walked into Edwise, an agency that helps students like me get admissions into foreign universities and demanded an admission into one of the best universities this world can offer. The USA agent looked at me and said that I was ineligible for admissions into the USA. I stared at him as if he abused the next five generations of my family all together and asked for the reason. He cited that I would be competing with students who have an extra year of education and hence wont have a chance and besides I have already crossed the dead-line for this years intake. With a 'never-give-up' attitude, I started looking elsewhere and fixed my eyes on the United Kingdom.

April, 2010: After doing a bit of research I learnt that the masters programme in UK does not require any additional education or work experience and is extremely easy to get into. 9 months ago when half the student population of my college were running towards UK colleges, I scoffed at them and called them 'lazy-shortcut-takers'. Suddenly I find myself fascinated with the prospect of studying in the United Kingdom. Shyam, my advisor at Edwise assured me that UK is a brilliant place to study and that getting in is a cake-walk. I swiftly started filling my applications and started preparing for another exam, the IELTS.

May, 2010: As of today I have been rejected by the University of Southampton (they got no idea who they are losing out on) and accepted by the University of Leeds (smart buggers, learn something Southampton!) and still await my IELTS results. Leeds has also assured me that they are willing to take me in without IELTS (wow!). It's only now that I realise how easy it actually is to get into a UK college.

Updated 27th August, 2010:

June 2010: Offers have come and gone, some rejected (screw you!), some didn't bother to respond (lazy brits) and some gracious ones have come forward. Finally accepted the University of Nottingham and rejected all others. Was seriously considering Durham and St.Andrews but had to drop both of them in spite it being far better than Nottingham. Do I want to live in perpetual cold? No. Do I want to go to the same university as Prince William (St. Andrews)? Yes! Do I want to live in an inhabited village where civilisation is miles away and the only people I would be with are upsnoot rich British students? No! 2 against 1, Nottingham it is!

August 2010: Offer accepted? Check! Visa obtained? Check! Bags packed? Check! Flight tickets? Check! Time for a year long paid vacation! The hard struggle to secure myself with a post-graduation education has finally ended and the struggle to finish that post-graduation education has begun. Lets hope the final leg of my education career (hopefully) is not going to be as bad as people have been trying to drill into me.

Crazy Google

2010-01-04T14:11:00.001Z

I never knew Google actually knows how to be funny. Here are some stupidly hilarious things that i have managed to invest my time in.

fail Fail FAIL !!!!

2009-12-22T09:13:00.000Z

This has to be the best video of all times. Nothing and absolutely nothing can ever surpass this one. You might just find yourself rolling off your seat. It is a serious must-watch! My condolences go out to all those animals/humans who may have got hurt while making this video. :D

CAT vs DOG

2009-11-20T04:59:00.000Z

*Goddamit* <------ Cellphone message tone

From: Allergy Attack

Msg 1:

True friends are like mornings, you cant have them the whole day, but you can be sure, they will be there when you wake up tomorrow, next year and forever... Good Morning Buddy

Reply:
Arrey wah... Tera yeh side bhi hota hai

Msg 2:
Either you talk in English of Hindi. Dont mix both.

Reply:
Lol ok... Its good to see the senti side of you at times.

Msg 3:
Dog....

Reply:
No im giving CAT

Msg 4:
When is it? But its funny, a DOG giving CAT

Reply:
30.... The worst part is that the CAT is screwing my balls

Msg 5:
A DOG is fighting for survival in front of CAT

Reply:
Ok enough now, go do your work.

A Birthday, A Rape, and Lot's of Booze

2009-08-20T10:03:00.000+01:00

It's rare that i get to stay out at night, and whenever i do, i have a tendency to build up some expectations. This one wasn't any different, and i had my own set of expectations etched in my mind. Like always, things were drastically different from what i had imagined it to be. Nonetheless it was a good night with a lot craziness. From playing 'I Spy' at 11 at night, playing pictionary half-drunk, and going for pointless drives at 3 am, it was a night to remember. Maybe if we didn't have a set of unwanted visitors who decided to spend half the night with us... I would've been sloshed outta mind. Thank god that didn't happen !! :D

I found the following clip on my cellphone just yesterday so i thought i might as well share it. Titled 'Gaurav rapes Pratik', don't worry it ain't gay porn. Its just a usual fist fight which starts off with Pratik getting pissed at Gaurav and trying to get even, and Pratik being the one apologising in the end. Why does he even try...?

WARNING: The following video contains explicit and objectionable content, but yet your horrible little brain will still nag you to see it, so go right ahead and watch it and dont tell me I didnt warn you!

Oh Calcutta !

2009-07-18T17:18:00.000+01:00

What goes through ones mind and heart when a long and unfulfilled desire, which had almost no scope of every being fulfilled, all of a sudden out of now where rises from the horizon giving new hope?

PURE BLISS !

My trip of a life time is just about to happen and you have no idea how that feels to me. I owe it all to four people.

Puja - For staying optimistic and giving me enormous amount of help (Shes the beneficiary in the end)

Gaurav - For simply supporting me and being a good friend.

Dhruv - For narrating one of the most loveliest tales ever told to my dad.

Shweta - For reasons untold :D

I owe it all to you guys. Thanks and CHEERS !!

I owe you one :D

Typing Speed Test !

2009-07-11T08:17:00.001+01:00

56 words

Typingtest

Movie Review

2009-06-16T15:08:00.000+01:00

Hey fellas,

I was sitting the other day trying to think about more innovative ways to waste my time. Movie watching obviously topped the list. So i thought, why not use this bad habit of mine to some good. So well ladies and gentleman, i now present to you a brand new blog dedicated to writing movie reviews. I wish you all go and visit it and post some comments and i really hope this new found hobby of mine might actually help someone in making good movie decisions. Opinions, suggestions and requests will always be accepted and looked into.

adityasmoviereview.blogspot.com

Thanks,
Cheers,
Enjoy !

Poetry

2009-06-10T17:19:00.000+01:00

Row Row Row your boat,
Gently down the stream
Throw your teacher overboard,
And listen to her scream !
:|

Yankee Doodle went to town,
Riding on a pony,
He went to get a haircut there,
And looked like MS Dhoni
:)

Humpty-Dumpty fucked on a wall
Humpty-Dumpty fucked all day long
All the kings whores,
And all the kings women
Couldnt get Humpty to fuck them again
:D

Shitty Exams

2009-05-03T18:40:00.000+01:00

Me:
I wonder how the paper setter can correct BMS papers
everyone writes SHIT

Dhruv says:
it smeels bad i know

Me:
lol
yeah

Dhruv:
but dude
it will be really easy
ask y
ask ask
oye ask

Me:
y
cause you got lose motions?

Dhruv:
cause only one thing will be written
shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT shit shit shit shit shit shit

Me:
god !!
you personify lameness

Dhruv:
dude, this is normal shit
in loose motions it will be shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit shit sht sht sht ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhitttttttttttttt ahhhhhhhhh

Me:
you forgot to fart in between

Dhruv says:
that will come in the end
dude dont ask me to pee also now
on paper

Me:
no it would becomme difficult to transport
logistics problem

Dhruv says:
as if shit wont

Me:
but shit is solid na
it wont move around
its tough to keep piss inside paper

Dhruv says:
we can stop this topic

FAREWELL UPG !!

2009-04-11T06:17:00.000+01:00

The good old college days have finally come to an end, and i cant tell you what a joy-ride it has been. I had my college farewell bash the other day, and yeah it was one hell of a party ! I came back home and pondered over the last 3 years of my life with all the ups and downs, highs and lows, laughed at the good moments, frowned at the sad ones. I thought my dear readers that i could share a few such thoughts with you'll:

FHS II:

This is one unforgettable project saga of my life !! The ultimate heights of jugaad. We had our Fundamentals of Human Skills II (FHS II) presentation, and as usual none of us were ready. To top it up, we had only one printed hard copy amongst 4 of us to share, which became a bit difficult to do. In the end we resorted to our usual jugaad. I realised my prof was too thick-headed to realise anything. Were allowed to use one laptop for projecting the ppt. I quietly set up a second laptop besides it, opened the soft copy of our document, enlarged it and faced it towards the presenter. My friends simply had to look and read. What a brilliant idea !! In the midst of all this i forgot something.... i only knew half of my part ! I was right after Dhruv and i had no time to do anything. Perhaps the following dialouges could explain things better...

(Dhruv): *blabbering shit*
..... so now my dear friends Aditya will.... (looks towards me) (I shake my head furiously) .... Aditya will not continue i will only continue....*starts blabbering shit all over again*

LMAO it was the time.... we celebrated right after. Noone believed we could actually pull that one off.

there are of course many such instances which have gone by. The surprisingly amazing EXIM project (Trust me everyone was convinced we would fail in that), the dhoti for the rural marketing project, the apple shaped hard copy for POM-II ( I still remember spending at least a grand for that one)

leaving studies aside we had many amazing escapades, one such escapade was our very first Lonavla trip.... here is how it goes.

Lonavla I:
i reach dhruvs house and sit in his car. dhruv, gaurav and i are looking at each others face. its 7.15 am and were all sleepy.

(Dhruv): Dude college nahin jaana hai yaar
(Gaurav): toh kya lonavla ghoom ke aayega kya?
We all laugh
(Dhruv): chal drive per chalte hai
(Me): chal
as we drive by...
(dhruv): you know lonavla dosent sound all that bad... we might come back by evening
(gaurav looks at me and tells dhruv): TU PAAGAL HO GAYA HAI KYA !?
(Dhruv): chal lets go wake up jai
we go to jais house pull him out of bed and push him in the bathroom
(gaurav): go get ready we have a very important pillai ma'ams lecture get ready fast
(jai comes running into the car): kya hua?
(dhruv): lonavla chalna hai?
(jai): chal !
(Me): i need to get back by 6
(Dhruv): yeah ok... CHALOOOO !
(jai): go get jadiya first

so here we go off to our very first lonavla trip, which eventually became a regular feature for us and finally got fed up of it in the end. but trust me, there was nothing at all like the very first one, it simply took the cake !!

well and then there came many more thoughts, the big fight with sukhi and sakshi (lets not get into those waters right now), dhruvs breakfast birthday treat in which we gorged on pastry and sukhi came in her nightie without brushing *ew*..... and yes of course the ultimate one, the PR magazine! we made our hardcopy look like a magazine, with each one of us contributing articles in it. dhruv and i decided to keep it a secret from everyone else in the group and reveal it only at the very last moment. everyone quaralled over who will get to keep a copy of it. ive lost touch about who has it these days... i just hope its not lost !

and how can anyone forget the 2009 calendar ? it was actually dhruvs idea which i executed (it usually happens that way). in this calendar for every month we added an assortment of snaps of our group (sweta, khyati, gaurav, jai, dhruv, pratik and me). if in any given month someone birthday comes, then that persons snaps will only be present in that months page... it looked really awesome and it took us a week to make it !

i sat pondering over all these good old days. the past few months havent really been very smooth between us all, but wt the heck i guess we all got a bit fed up of looking at each others face everyday...

FAREWELL UPG... will miss ya :)

APRIL FOOL !!!

2009-04-01T18:17:00.000+01:00

*Burp!* <---------- (SMS tone)

Swati (SMS): Abhyankar does it again !!! I.F paper in ma hand. dont let anyone know abt it.

*reads*
*re-reads*
*shows Dhruv*
*he reads*
*he re-reads*

Dhruv: WTF !! I love swati dude.

Me: yeah i know. ill take it from her

Me (SMS to Swati): ok thank you for letting me know, ill take it from you sometime...

(3 hours later....)

*realisation hits*

fuck its april fools day !!! I really am a dimwit !

*try to forward it to other friends*
*dosent work*

Damn i am a dimwit !

another 4 hours later...

Vishal (SMS): dude niravs in the hospital... had an accident

Me: WTF !!!

*calls vishal*

Me: Dude..... wt happened how? where? why?

Vishal: fell off a friends bike. hes at cooper hospital. you can call him if you want, hes answering calls.

Me: but how is he?

Vishal: theyre talking abt amputating his leg

Me: WTF !!! they drunk or wt !?

Vishal: dude i dont know call nirav...

Me: ok

*Dials Niravs number*
*realisation re-visits me*
*FUCK YOU DOGS*

Me: FATHERFUCKER !!! who the fuck do you think your trying to make a fool of ?!

Nirav: wtf, wt did he tell you ?

Me: tht your getting your fucking leg amputated !!!

Nirav: LMAO, hahahahhaha.... ok ill call you in a while.

Me: OK *hangs up*

DAMN !

Me (SMS to Puja): Jai met with an accident... hes in the hospital. talk to him

Puja (SMS): cant call right now.... ha d a fight with mom.. dont ask why... am really bugged

Me: ok.... now im confused. is this for real ? ive had enough of april fool jokes

3 hours later.....

Puja: April fool

FUCK !